Undermining the target's parenting

Definition

Countermanding the target's decisions, denigrating the target to the children, and positioning the target as the "bad," inadequate, or uncaring parent, either directly to the children or to third-party providers, e.g., therapists, household help, family, school personnel, and others involved in the child's care.

How it operates

Overriding rules the target has set. Encouraging, implicitly or explicitly, the child to harm the other parent. Speaking about the target in belittling or false terms in the children's presence. Telling children the target chose work, a new partner, or personal needs over them. Conveying harmful narratives to schools, doctors, or other providers.

Function

Hollow out the parent-child relationship and destroy the target's parental authority.

Harm

For the target: loss of authority, retraumatization, and erosion of the parenting bond. For the children: confusion, loyalty conflict, and reduced security with the protective parent.

Why this is coercive control

Ordinary differences in parenting style expressed without denigration or triangulation. The conduct here hollows out the parent-child relationship and destroy the target's parental authority.

Constructed example

“I told them the truth, that mommy chose her job over them," or "Oh Georgey, you hit your mom again? You know better. Want some ice cream?”

Fictitious. Written to illustrate the behavior. Not a case.